*The preacher at my grandfather’s funeral was one of those “rent-a-day”
preachers. My family doesn’t have church
ties on that side, so we didn’t have one of our own to give the service. He was a nice guy. Spent a long time talking to my aunt the day
before, trying to get an idea of who my grandfather was. He asked people to come forward to tell
stories about my grandpa, because we keep loved ones alive through our
stories. I didn’t get up at first. I think my mind went a little blank. Which story should I tell? I had no idea, so I sat quiet. My brother told a funny story, as did a
family friend, and my great-aunt. I was
about to rise…I had some thoughts to shared, but the preacher cut it off then
and continued in his sermon. He read
from the bible, quoted Jesus and various apostles. He tried to somehow connect these bible
verses to my grandfather’s life, and it just wasn’t working. Honestly, it was annoying me more than
anything. My grandfather was not an
openly religious man, and the idea of a very religious service was hilarious to
me. He’d have never gone for it. So I waited, patiently. I nearly talked myself out of speaking. I didn’t want to be rude, and he’d closed the
floor. But the longer I sat there, the
more I became aware that if I didn’t say these things now, I wouldn’t get
another chance. My grandfather wouldn’t
have another funeral, and there wouldn’t be another eulogy. So I waited for the preacher to take a
breath. Man, could he talk. Then, when he paused, in between thoughts, I
stood up and said, “I have something to say.”
This is, best as I can, a recreation of what I said.*
I’ve been told that I’m not always great at timing. When the pastor asked for stories a bit
ago, I went blank. And the longer I sat
there, the more I realized I had things to say.
I appreciate the pastor’s words and the time he took putting together
this service. But I never knew my grandfather
to be a religious man. Actually, I never
even knew he believed in God until a few years ago when I just asked him, “Hey. Do you believe in God?” It was during that conversation that I
learned that my grandfather did have faith, and considered himself a
Christian. I think my brother Gabe was
there for this conversation, too. I
learned that my grandfather once had the bible memorized, and he told me the
shortest verse, “Jesus saves,” as well as the longest verse…which I don’t
remember anymore.
I’m not sure how my grandfather felt about the bible, but I know
this. Standing up here during the
visitation I overheard a man talking about him.
I think they worked together. He
said “Bill was a genius.” And he’s
right. My grandfather was
brilliant. He also remembered that my
grandpa was practical, and I think he’d like his legacy to be shared in
practical words, rather than the lofty ideas from the bible. So I want to share with you what I learned
from my grandfather.
I was the first grandchild, by about 9 years. And I was lucky. I got my grandfather at the best time for being a grandkid. Before he got sick. I think he wanted a boy, because he taught me
how to fish. He taught me how to shoot, and
I still love guns to this day. He taught
me how to play chess, and how not to lose.
As brilliant a businessman as he was, he never taught me to manage
money, and I wish I had asked him!
He taught me that hard work is necessary and if you have
work to be done you need to put on your big girl and boy panties and do
it. Take care of what needs to be taken
care of now, and later you can enjoy peace.
He taught me that sometimes life gives you some tough
battles. He was by no means perfect and
if you knew him you know he had battles.
He drank heavily and smoked for a number of years. But grandpa tended to do what he knew how
until he learned a better way. Then he
changed. When the doctors told him, “You
really should stop drinking,” he did. No questions asked. He did the same thing with smoking after his
cancer diagnosis. He just stopped. He had more strength and willpower than any
man I knew.
I learned that when you face tough obstacles, and you feel
fear, you need to stop your bitching and keep moving forward. And he’d have told you to stop your
bitching. He was wise and practical, and
when I face big problems, I sometimes ask myself, “What would grandpa do?” Honestly, I’d find one of those bracelets
much more helpful than “what would Jesus do?”
I learned that meals are the best way to share time and
laughter with those you love. I learned
to take friends and family out to eat, and to pay for their food, because you
sure as hell can’t take that money with you.
Spend a little more on people, give a little more. Bring someone joy in ways they might not be
able to bring themselves. Because you
can’t go back and change it, and you can’t take it with you. Be generous of heart, soul, and wallet. I used to love watching Grandpa and Uncle Don
argue over who was going to pay the ticket at family dinners out. They both understood that money is of this
world and there’s no sense in being stingy.
I learned that you take care of family, you visit often and you
don’t wait for “tomorrow.” Because it
isn’t promised.
I learned to form opinions carefully, and with much
gathering of facts. I learned that
having strong opinions based in fact is a good thing. But I also learned to keep them to myself unless
asked. I learned to speak deliberately
and thoughtfully, because sometimes people actually listen.
I am grateful to have loved this man. Grateful to have been able to share time with
him, learn from him, and give him all the love I was able. I was grateful to have him. And I am grateful now, that he is finally
resting after a long and stubborn battle.
He decided it was time to go home.
I love him deeply, and I am grateful for him.
